How to Write a Young Adult Novel

by Emma Nash

With graduation fast approaching, college seniors everywhere are faced with the terrifying prospect of their impending adulthood. We have reached the point in our lives at which we must start contributing to the nation’s workforce in one way or the other (excluding of course those of us who have deferred in favor of a few years in grad school). Since I understand the horror of not knowing what the future holds, I want to proffer one potential career option to my fellow soon-to-be graduates: why not try your hand at writing Young Adult fiction? It’s an excellent alternative for those of us who are too creative and free-spirited to sit in an office all day. As a YA author, you’ll never have to worry about things like break room etiquette or finding the perfect pair of black slacks for the office.

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Toward this goal, here is my (un)patented how-to guide, “How to Write a YA Novel”:

What you’ll need:

  1. Spare time
  2. MacBook
  3. English degree (recommended, not required)

What your story will need:your-utopia-my-dystopia

  1. Setting: should be one of the following—
    1. Dystopian America
    2. Future/Space Dystopia
    3. Mythical/Medieval Dystopia
    4. Washington state
  2. A corrupt/ totalitarian government, so rigidly evil as to resolve any ethical grey area concerning the protagonist’s choice to oppose it.
  3. Strong Female Protagonist who (choose at least 3 of the following):
    1. Recently turned 16, 17, or 18 years old.
    2. Is beautiful, but doesn’t know it. Be sure that this is one of her defining character traits.
    3. Is very slim, usually despite the fact that she never exercises.
    4. Has special previously undiscovered mystical powers.
    5. Is secretly good at archery.
    6. Is missing one or more parent.
    7. Has at least one dependent (perhaps an archetypically innocent little sister?).
    8. Is a lovable loner.
    9. Has an inconvenient/unnecessarily extravagant name (ex. Selene Stonehenge or Alana Fairmeadow).
    10. Bad attitude masquerading as independence.
    11. Has a distinct hairstyle.
    12. Has secret musical ability.
    13. Looks like the author, but isn’t a vehicle for the author to live out her fantasies.
    14. TRUST ISSUES
    15. Is poor.
    16. Secret princess!?!?
    17. Has undergone a traumatizing childhood experience
    18. Is unfailingly, impractically selfless (enough so to make Ayn Rand roll over in her grave).
    19. Makes attempts at witty banter.
    20. Is terminally ill.
    21. Experiences repressed sexual desire.
    22. Isn’t like other girls (exactly how she is so different, we may never know).
    23. Has disturbingly low self-esteem.
  4. Gratuitous angst.rebellion
  5. A plucky best friend (not necessarily human) (not as attractive as protagonist).
  6. A love triangle; be sure to note that:
    1. The love interests should be constantly described as vastly different from one another (be sure to never provide any evidence of substantial dissimilarity of character—differences should be purely cosmetic).
    2. One love interest must be familiar, safe, and overly protective. The other must be new, dangerous, and overly protective.
  7. Adults who just don’t understand
  8. Place names derived from ancient languages.
  9. A larger-than-life moral quandary (the answer to which should be obvious to the reader, but utterly indecipherable to the protagonist).

 

And that’s it! If you can fit these elements into your story, you’re guaranteed success as the next big YA author. Look forward to a life of ease and prestige! Well, at least a life of ease.